Stormy Whether

Four years ago today, my wife Geri Lynne unexpectedly passed away. Sometimes it still feels like yesterday. 

I took this photo of us after a severe storm destroyed part of the stage during the 2007 Warped Tour in Cleveland.

Fair thee well, Vertigo Xi'an Xavier

Stunned and heartbroken. I just learned that my friend Vertigo Xi'an Xavier passed away unexpectedly. Vertigo (real name Chris Draime) was one of the first people I met in the NE Ohio poetry scene. As head of The Poet's Haven, he gave me my first featured reading. He published two of my chapbooks. And that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. Vertigo was one of the hardest working people in poetry, always generous with his time and talents. I want to say more, but I'm still in shock. Sending love and my deepest sympathies to his family and all who know and care about him.

https://www.paquelet.com/obituaries/Christopher-D-Draime?obId=5599517

Geri Lynne Burroughs, Vertigo, me and Marlana-Patrice Pugh Hamer in May 2009
at the Barking Spider Tavern in Cleveland [photo by Ken Kitt]

Remembering Geri

Three years ago today, Geri posted this photo of us on Facebook. We never imagined that exactly one year later, when I left her at the hospital to go home and get some sleep, it would be the last time I saw her alive. She passed away on the morning of February 8th 2017. It feels like yesterday, or tomorrow. And there remain gaping holes that can never be filled.

One year ago today

My 2017 by the Numbers

39 days spent at the hospital
11 books published via Crisis Chronicles Press
54 books I finished reading
35 concerts attended
51st birthday
1 new car
4 theater productions seen
20 featured readings given in 10 states
29 United States visited
326 days without Geri Lynne Burroughs

After Turning 51

Many thanks to everyone who reached out to me for my birthday. Because mine is the 17th and Geri's was the 14th, we always celebrated them together. Needless to say, with her gone this year I didn't feel much like celebrating. Indeed I couldn't wait for the days to be past. I was invited to do lots of cool things on my birthday but decided instead to stay in and get as much work as I could done, though I did go catch a sunset on Lake Erie before bed. But through it all I saw your messages, comments and other kindnesses and your love helped get me through the day okay.

I am most grateful.

Concrete Meat Press Recommends

Concrete Meat's Adrian Manning says, "The latest poet to be added to Concrete Meat Press Recommends page is the awesome John Burroughs. Check out his words and those of many others here:"

http://adrianmanning.wixsite.com/concretemeatpress/concrete-meat-press-recommends

I'm tickled that he selected my poem "Dish Work," from Water Works, to be featured there.  It was written several years ago about a time in 1986 when Geri and I were working together at Columbia Hills Country Club and just getting to know each other.

My "Joe Cur's Wild" in the inaugural issue of Diaphanous

While watching morning TV game shows with Geri at the hospital in January I wrote a silly/naughty little poem called "Joe Cur's Wild." Cool to see it in the fabulous inaugural issue of Diaphanous, just launched this week. Thank you, Diaphanous Press and editor Krysia Jopek.

Click here to read the whole issue.
Click here to read just my poem.

Showing My Behind Again

In October 2015, I was so far behind I still had 36 books in the Crisis Chronicles Press to-publish queue. Talk about biting off more than you can fit in your mouth at the same time! This was shortly after Geri's TIPS surgery. As that gave her some relief and she started feeling better, I started trying to catch up, and by May 2016, I only had 20 in the queue. That was still too much for me to do in a reasonable amount of time, but it was progress. Then due to a combination of factors including non-press work picking up dramatically (as it tends to do in the spring, summer and fall) and then our moving into a new house in August and Geri becoming more ill, the number stayed at 20 until March 2017. Now I'm back at it as much as my mood will allow, aiming to get as much done as possible before non-press work picks up again. The magic to-publish number is down to 17 currently and with the expected publication of three more Crisis Chronicles titles in the month of April it will soon be 14. I foresee no reason I shouldn't be able to get all these done this year. That will be a lot of fantastic publications. Stay tuned to http://ccpress.blogspot.com for the latest, and thanks so much for your continued support.

Still Alive

selfie 2/25/2017

Early yesterday morning, I dreamt Geri was still alive in the hospital. Someone had made a mistake. I went to see her and she was fine and in good spirits, wondering where I'd been. I told her we thought she had died, that we'd even had a funeral and everything. "Really?" she asked, incredulous. Waking up felt less real than my dream.

Geri Lynne Burroughs

Around 6:20 on Wednesday morning, February 8th, I received a call from the Cleveland Clinic saying Geri's heart had stopped and they were trying to resuscitate her. I sped to the hospital and when I arrived I learned that they were unsuccessful. Just the day before the doctors had seemed so certain she would be fine. I've been wanting to write more but I have more tears than words. 

We will receive guests from 6 to 7 pm on Monday February 13th at Laubenthal-Mercado funeral home, 38475 Chestnut Ridge Road, Elyria, Ohio 44035, right down the street from where I grew up. Memorial service will follow at 7 pm. And then I'm gonna hibernate for a while.

http://www.chroniclet.com/obituaries/2017/02/10/Geri-Lynne-Burroughs.html

Thank you so much to everyone who has been so kind and supportive to our family and me. Love to you.

Heartbroken,
John

Third time on the ventilator

Through her sputum culture they've finally identified the specific staph infection that's been causing Geri's pneumonia. This strain is resistant to the antibiotics they've been treating her with, which explains why she's not gotten better. So they've switched to a medication that targets that specific strain. Meanwhile, at 6:40 am, I got a call from the ICU doctor saying they needed to intubate her again. Despite accelerated diuresis, her lungs kept filling with fluid, and days of breathing difficulty were putting undue strain on her heart. Now with the machine breathing for her, her heart rate and blood pressure have normalized. It will likely take several days, but we expect this new medication will finally knock out her pneumonia.

Oh, Bummer (Healthcare)

We found out today that to get back on my wife's health insurance will only cost me a little over $950 a month. That's more than double what I paid for it in 2015. Good thing I have Obamacare to fall back on.
 
But interestingly, although it would cost us $950-ish to insure me, it only costs us around $350 to ensure my wife under the same plan, despite the fact that she's had far more health problems than I. So at least the one of us who needs it most is getting it.

Weekend update - 6 January 2017

Geri is in Interventional Radiology to have the current, weeks-old dialysis catheter that's been coming out of her neck replaced with a new one that'll come out of her chest. Her new liver is working great. But prior to transplant she developed what appears to be hepato-renal syndrome, so it's taking some time for her kidneys to get back up to speed. Meanwhile, the other main thing we need to work on is getting her up and walking after being essentially bedridden for about three months. Physical and occupational therapy (and her doctors) have recommended that she go to the Cleveland Clinic's own acute rehab center in the next day or so, but first we need insurance approval. Yesterday, Medical Mutual denied it was necessary. But this is the same insurance company that tried at first to claim she didn't need hospitalized the last two times (though she would've died if she hadn't gone).  Their motto seems to be "Reject first, then finally actually consider the claim after it's appealed." So the appeal conference is this morning and I'm optimistic we'll get it resolved.

UPDATE a couple hours later: She's approved for one week of acute rehab. They'll extend it if she makes good progress.  So we'll be heading to M80 later today.

Best day in a while

Best day yet for Geri! She's been in the hospital since November, got her liver transplant on 22 December, and continues to improve. We learned today that she'll be heading to rehab by the end of this week and hopefully home soon after. Happy new year!

2016

In 2016 I traveled west of the Mississippi for the first time in my life, we got a new house, a good friend beat cancer, Barack Obama was president, the Cleveland Cavaliers won a championship, and my wife got a new liver. Beat THAT, 2017.

New Liver

After my last blog posting, things moved rather quickly.  Within hours of Geri being reactivated on the liver transplant list, she received a liver offer.  After a long night and next day of waiting, she was finally ushered to the operating room at 3 a.m. on December 22nd.  The seven hour surgery was a success.  We had hoped she'd be out of ICU within a day, but the docs needed to fine tune some things first. 

Meanwhile, on the evening of the 26th, Geri's vehicle lost its front driver-side corner.  I dropped it off at Progressive early this morning. It will take about a week to fix and cost us a $1000 deductible.

Finally, to make a long story short, here's what I posted on Facebook a couple of hours ago (evening of the 28th):

Been a couple more long days at the hospital. Was here till midnight last night - had gone home at 8 but had to come back because Geri wouldn't take her medications for anyone but me. But slow and steady progress continues. Tonight she finally made it out of ICU to the transplant special care floor, one step closer to returning home.

Santa putting a liver in Geri's stocking?

The infectious disease doctor and anesthesiologist have cleared Geri for transplant. Her breathing is much better than yesterday. The kidney doctor is gonna switch her from continual to intermittent dialysis. And they're starting some mild physical therapy. All good news. But the biggest news is that the liver fellow was just in and said they're gonna try to have her relisted by this evening and because her meld score is so high, there is a chance she could get a liver by Christmas, or soon after.

A few very kind friends of ours have expressed a willingness to serve as a living donor, for which we are grateful beyond the best words I can muster. But we haven't been able to follow up because both the Clinic and her insurance wanted Geri to be active on the transplant list before starting the screening process. However, now it's looking like she will get a liver from a deceased donor faster.

As I was writing this, a transplant surgeon came in and gave her the final good-to-go. So she'll definitely be relisted today.

We are amazed by your extraordinary kindness and generosity. Lots going on here, so I'll try to catch up with personal messages later. <3

Progress

c. 10 a.m.:

Her breathing tube came out yesterday. Lots of progress since. Lots of different doctors coming in and out today to assess and clear her. They just did a CT scan of her chest. And if everything checks out she could be reactivated on the transplant list as soon as tomorrow. We're most grateful for your kindness, concern and good wishes.

c. 5 p.m.:

Update: CT shows she has a pleural effusion around her right lung, so they're doing a thoracentesis to drain that. But we're still on track. Only awaiting clearance from one more doctor, the transplant anaesthesiologist.

She's Awake

Got a call from Geri's nurse at 5:45 a.m. She said that after a night of dialysis she's almost totally awake for the first time in around a week. Of course she can't talk because she still has the breathing tube in. But she was trying to tell them something, so they gave her a dry erase board and asked her what she wanted. She wrote, "John."